recovering, understanding, and honeydew

I've been recovering nicely from my concussion, and conditional on my doctor's permission, I'll be going back to work this week.  Lots and lots of folks have been incredibly nice to me with well-wishes and even gifts; I'm very grateful for everyone's thoughts and prayers.

Before this accident, and even when I first came to, I didn't really have a good understanding of how severe concussions can be.  Once I was able to remember the things N was telling me, I was like, A few hours ago, I used to think it was 2011.  How silly of me--I'm so glad I'm better now.  Lots of people get concussions, especially kids; almost everyone I've talked to has either had one or someone close to them had had one at some point.  Like anything, though, there are different degrees, and I came to realize that my accident was on the medium-to-severe part of the spectrum.

It's like comparing a freshly sharpened knife to an old dull blade; I had no idea a week of recovery would make this much difference.  All I did the first few days was watch mind-numbing TV shows--America's Got Talent and Gilmore Girls--and was completely enthralled.  N and I watched Star Trek First Contact one night, and I got so excited by the scene where they put on space suits that he had to turn it off.

I'm still overwhelmed by some things, especially crowds of people, which aren't exactly my forte when I'm well.  I'm also more sensitive to my migraine triggers.  But all in all, I'm feeling much closer to normal than I was a week ago.

One of the things this experience taught me was a better understanding for people with certain mental challenges: either those with low IQ or those with mild mental disorders.  A short experience obviously cannot compare to a lifetime of struggle, but it gave me a glimpse into the frustration of knowing that you're limited or not being in total control of your mind.  All I can say is that I respect people with mental challenges so much more now.

I've been trying to ease back into things.  The progression has gone from TV to video games to reading.  A few days ago, I decided to test my scripting skills.  What I needed was a way of sending reminders to N of the various things that he needs to get done.  This was especially important for this summer, when I see N less because of my internship, and doubly important now that I don't feel like I can trust my memory as much, at least for a few more weeks.  Someone once called this kind of spouse-to-spouse list a "honeydew" list, and that name stuck for this mini project.

I use OmniFocus to keep track pretty much everything in my life, so I wrote an applescript based on this one to grab all incomplete tasks from OmniFocus with the context of things assigned to N.  Then, I used python's smtplib to send an email if there are any incomplete tasks.  Glue it together with a bash script and tell cron to run it every day at 10am and 4pm, and you get an auto-reminder for the honeydew list.  There may be better ways to do something like this, but this is what was easiest for me.

After putting that together, both of us craved honeydew, so we got one and downed the whole thing in a half hour.  Life is beautiful.

concussion!

N heard word on Friday that he passed his general exams, meaning he's officially a PhD candidate. To celebrate, we went down to Gettysburg and planned to bike around.  I remember waking up, packing, sleeping most of the drive down, parking, and going into a visitor center.  I sat in the back of the car with the hatch open and put on sunscreen, and have a hazy memory of stoping to look at a monument while going up a hill.*

But then I biffed it pretty bad going down that hill. I think it was a combination of my going to fast (which I tend to do), a gravelly road, and my brakes being a little worn down.  I got a concussion, had an accompanying seizure, and spent about 5 hours in ER--good times! I also go scraped up pretty bad, especially on my face, but it should heal pretty well, with maybe one or two small scars.

I had some severe short term memory loss initially.  N got the car to drive me to the ER, and when he got back, I said something like I don't know what happened, but I know I'm married to you and I love you.  N said I kept asking the same things over and over again.  Did I just finish my first week at Hunch?  I have to get a new helmet now, right?  Are you cold?--you can get in here with me.  I'd get stuck on one to five things and just repeat them over and over, with less than 30 seconds between repetitions of the same question.  He says I thought it was July 2011 for the longest time, and that I talked about my first garden here.  I was pretty punchy too.  When we checked in, N was getting a little worked up, and I told him, blood running down my face, that he needed to calm down.

I feel like I'm pretty back to normal memory-wise now.  I can't remember what happened after visiting the monument or much of the ER, but I'm able to remember most of what happened after checking out of the hospital.  However, it's still pretty early in the recovery and they say that it could take up to months for me to get back to 100% memory.  I need to have a follow-up early this week in order to see if I'll be allowed to go to my conference in Ireland (I'd have to leave about a week from now).  Part of me wants them to say I can't go.

* The monument memory came back to me when we drove by it, but I forgot about it until I was writing this.  I also remember seeing signs for an auto tour, and saying that that's what we did when I visited as a kid with my family.

Above: When we checkedout out of the hospital, we drove by where I crashed before heading home.  There I be.

a quote

Experience with real-world data, however, soon convinces one that both stationarity and Gaussianity are fairy tales invented for the amusement of undergraduates.

- Thomson, 1994

no more clover

As of yesterday, there were easily a million clover blossoms dotting the lawns around our apartment complex.  Most people don't pay much attention to clover, but I've spent hours just looking at it, either while searching for four-leaf clovers (of which I have found more than my fair share), in harvesting some for salads, or in picking the blossoms.  Because of their sturdy stems, they braid really well, and I think they smells really nice too.

They are in full bloom right now, and they kept prompting me to sing I often go walking.  Yesterday, while procrastinating, I picked a bouquet of them and while I couldn't give them to my mother, I could send her a picture, which is what I did.  (Love you, mom!)

Then today, they mowed the lawns, leaving on the order of thousands of blossoms, but no where near the magnificent abundance that there was before.  And it led me to think: what has happened to all the meadows?  With our manicured lawns in the suburbs, we don't really see meadows unless we go out to the more rural areas.  And even then, with factory farming we concentrate our animals and plant crops on the remaining land, which takes away much of the grazing land.

The point is: I can think of lawns, parks, and farms, but I'd have to think hard to tell you where the closest un-mowed meadow is, and we live in a relatively rural area.  I don't know why, but I find this sad.

the things we don't clean (little moment of compulsion #5)

My mom taught me to make sure to clean the light-switches, because people rarely do.  I realized today that the same thing applies to lamp switches, doorknobs, and the faces of doors right above the doorknob--where people catch the door when it swings or where they push it when they don't need to turn the knob.    What else gets touched often that isn't on my radar of things to clean?

random stuff

I've been drooling over Tumbleweed tiny houses for a few years now, and this firetruck guest house reminded me of them--tiny and portable.  I don't think I'd actually want a house on wheels, but I like small spaces and the minimalism they require.

I've also been playing with floor-plans for kids' rooms, just for kicks.  I think this double bunk setup is awesome.

All Women are Real Women.  This struck a cord with me, since I've been bulking up a tiny bit from going to the gym pretty regularly since February.  This is the first time my body has changed in a noticeable way since puberty, and it's made me a little self-conscious.  Plus, I've been getting sugar cravings which probably just means I need to eat more real food to make up for the gym, but still, it makes me think of my body in ways that come with a lot of unwanted societal baggage (I should be this way or that way).  But no matter what, I'm a real woman and I'm happy with myself.

Speaking of sweets, I made a lemon curd this weekend to go with a white cake.  The cake was okay, but the curd was (and is) excellent.  (Half a spoon curd + half a spoon mascarpone = a sliver of heaven.)  And then speaking of mascarpone, I want to try making these poached pears.

Vertical gardening: ikea solutions (I have three askers in my kitchen with plants in them), Patrick Blanc (who seems like a marvelously silly man), air plants, hanging terrariums, and many things on this site.

Lastly, a pretty wind map.

frost vs. freeze

About two weeks ago, we claimed our garden plot.  We fenced it, carved out and mulched two walking paths, and added some topsoil.  We've planted all of our seeds at this point, though we probably should have waited on some of them, and are in the process of hardening off the indoor-grown plants.

If you look close at the picture to the right, you'll see the stems of the plants are purplish.  That's a good sign that the plants are hardened off.

I have a three-phase system for hardening this year: first, I bring a tray out into the "tube," which is some spare fencing wrapped with plastic to provide windbreak and shade.  (It can only fit one tray at a time, so the process is pipelined.)  The next day, I move the tray outside the tube, but next to it, so it has some shade/windbreak, but less than before.  Finally, I move it out into the open, where it will be planted eventually.

While it's a great system in theory, there have been a few frost warnings recently, so I've had to bring the trays indoors some nights.  I want to wait until we're out of the woods on frosts before finishing up the process and planing everything.

We did plant a few tomatoes as a test, and they're still going strong!  We did a second wave as well, so there are about 30 little tomato plants living it up in our garden right now.  While that sounds like a lot, it's less than a sixth of the total number of tomato plants we currently have.  And there's no way we'll be able to fit them all in our plot.  There are still some open spots, so we might take them over if nobody's claimed them by planting time.

When there's a frost warning, like tonight, I need to cover these plants that are currently in the ground.  I've been covering them with plastic cups and putting a rock on top of each (they're still small enough for that, but barely).  One lady across the garden did nothing for her tomatoes a few days ago, and they went from beautiful, mature, and probably expensive plants to withered, black wraiths.  Another sad story impending: I noticed a plot with freshly-planted tomatoes today, about the same size as mine.  I almost ran home for more cups, but decided that people probably didn't want me to micromanage their garden.  I'd put money on the poor things being dead in the morning, though.

N loves explaining all the hydrological elements of gardening, and was kind enough to explain to me why a frost can happen when the temperature is above freezing, which happened this week.  Basically, while the general air temperature can be around 40 degrees F, pockets of air can dip down to freezing.  If the dew point is right, the dew will freeze, and it's the frozen dew that can rupture the cell walls of sensitive plants, killing them.  Nice bed-time story, no?

It's not me, it's you.

When I was a kid, I climbed things when I got upset, specifically the 100+ foot tall poplars in our front yard.  Mom and Dad couldn't climb them, and my brother was afraid of heights, so I could totally escape without, you know, actually running away from home, which was too scary a prospect.

It has been a really, really long time since I've been so mad I had to run away from something.  Middle school, probably.  Well, I was angry recently.  We're talking strong emotional reaction where you just have to turn and walk away, perhaps awkwardly ending a conversation, lest you do something more awkward, like physically break something.  The funny thing abut being angry?  It's usually over stupid stuff.

I don't generally have anger issues, nor do I have a hard time getting on with people, in general.  Sure, I make mistakes, have awkward moments, and dislike certain people, but actual anger is incredibly rare.  (And it scares me; I don't like it.)  I keep having a dialog in my head about how the other person was being unreasonable, and it wasn't their place, and they had this issue or that issue.  I know I could have been more calm or reasonable, but part of me has to ask, how much of this is my fault?

But then I say, screw introspection.  I mucked up some stuff, they mucked up some other stuff.  I learned a little and now I'm moving on.  Dwelling on this isn't worth my time, because unlike climbing trees, it isn't fun.